arrghh...
da Pixels are burning my retinas. I’ve become a psuedo work-a-holic with ulterior motives. It’s not for money or third-party acclaim (i.e. fame). It’s for the simple desire to create, grow and live. I’ve traded in my social life and drunken bar days for productivity and the opportunity to chose my type & quality of work and just to be proud to say, “I fuckin' made that.” I’m getting so close. I’ve learned a lot this past month but I still have much to learn. Balance being the most elusive...
There are nights where I’m so motivated, I’ll stay up researching, writing, sketching & creating until I’m no longer emotionally or physically capable. At which point, I’d crawl into in bed, lay flat on my back, with my mind racing to plan my next series of attacks. I’ll do this for several nights in a row, sometimes weeks. Then, when I’ve reached a peak, the fuse runs out and with it I burn out.
Tonight, I have a burning desire to quit everything with complete abandonment. These are the nights where I lay in bed planning my escape. Running to the exits and calculating the drop to sea-level. I look over the edge but never jump. Part of me wants to know how high I can get and the other is curious to see if I can survive the plunge head first.
I procrastinate and enjoy the view, thinking about things that make me smile, Passions & Lovers what else... Things which free myself from goal-oriented thinking, from projects, from work and bills. Things which refuel my thirst for life and my desire to do something ridiculous and pointless because in the grand scheme of things, that's all life is. We're a 1 minute intro to history's longest running cartoon. It's relaxing and comforting knowing that life has no inherit purpose other than to procreate. The rest is up to the individual. Some choose to spread faith and religion. Some choose to make money and own excessively large cars. Others choose nothing and simply enjoy life's simplicity...
For me, I seem to have chosen biting off more than I can chew, enthusiastically juggling projects, then burning out and getting distracted by passionate meteorites falling into the atmosphere. As a dionysian binger, this is something I must accept. In perspective, it’s not that bad. The overly productive highs are just as satisfying as the quite, procrastinating lows. On completely opposite ends of the spectrum but equal nonetheless. The key is balance, all in equal doses, regardless of the intensity. I occasionally forget but I'm quick to remember. Tonite being a perfect example.
Hello life. I like you once again...
Life, love and passions, the ever changing dionysian emotions we all crave and need...
Remember... stagnicity is death...
